This post is hard to write because this topic is so close to my heart, but I know I need to write it. And, because I appreciate this warning, if you didn’t get it from the title of this post this is your ****TRIGGER WARNING****
I lost a baby in early pregnancy between A-Man and Baby M. This past fall, several of my friends happily announced pregnancies, and then devastatingly had to un-announce. It is heartbreaking and terrible. My miscarriage wasn’t my first pregnancy, so I’ve never had one of the Mother’s Days that I’m about to discuss, but I feel for you all and I love you. So here goes.
Oh sweet mama, [and yes, you are a mama]
First, let me say that I love you. My heart goes out to you, and even if we haven’t met personally, please know that I pray for you regularly.
I know this weekend will be hard for you. I know that people won’t know what to say, and you may not really know what to say either. When your church recognizes the moms in attendance, you may not know if you should also stand. Stand.
Stand so that others who know your story may feel confident enough to stand too. Stand so that you are recognized as the mama that you are, even though your baby isn’t Earth-side. Stand so that we can love on you and pray for you. But mostly, stand because you’re a mother.
The moment you see those two pink lines [or the “you’re pregnant” words if you bought a fancy test] you’re a mother. The moment that you start imagining your future and preparing to change your entire life for the little bean in your belly, you’re a mother. And the moment that your life changes forever and the future you imagined is taken from you, you are a mother.
Mama, I wish that I could hug every one of you this Mother’s Day. I wish that I could send you all cards that said exactly what you needed to hear. I wish that I could do something to lessen your pain, but for now I’ll just write this letter. And I’ll pray. And I’ll love.
I want to tell you that however you’re feeling this weekend is okay. If you’re upset and stay home to binge watch Netflix, that’s okay. If you’re feeling pretty good and you feel like being around people, that’s fine. If you choose to focus on your mother today, that’s okay too. And, if you think you feel fine and then completely fall apart at church [this may or may not be me most of the time] that is totally fine. I pray that you find a gentle hug from a friend and a church family to love on you and accept you.
And just quickly, if you are reading this because you know one of these mama’s, give them a hug this Sunday. Maybe even get them a card. Motherhood can feel like a “club” and sometimes people aren’t sure if they are in. Make sure these mama’s know they’re with us and we’re with them.
So sweet mama, this Mother’s Day, I hope that someone celebrates you. If no one that you know does, please know I’m celebrating you. I’m praying for you, and I love you. Most of all, Happy Mother’s Day.