My husband does bathtime when it hurts my back to bend over, he always cooks dinner, he takes all four children to the grocery store alone, and he keeps the kids when I need him to, whether for a haircut or a vendor event, or even the occasional lunch with a girlfriend. He’s wonderful, patient, kind, and loves our kids like you wouldn’t believe. But still, he isn’t “SuperDad”.
He can’t go anywhere with the kids without hearing someone say it, and I can’t go anywhere without my kids without someone telling me. “Oh wow, he’s SuperDad keeping all four kids!?”
Now, before you think I’m being a terrible wife to my clearly amazing husband, let me clarify that I’m writing this for him. There’s nothing that drives him crazy more than someone calling him SuperDad, or worse, saying that he’s “babysitting” for me when he has the kids.
Please Don’t Call My Husband SuperDad
SuperDad is Sexist
Last week I went to get my haircut, so Chris kept Baby M and Miss S (the older boys were at their Oma’s) and walked around the mall for my 45 minute appointment. Of course, someone told him that he was SuperDad. He asked the person if the roles were reversed if I would be considered “SuperMom”, but of course not, because moms are supposed to have the kids.
That’s really sexist.
When Chris takes the kids out and about, people fall all over themselves to help him and tell him what a great dad he is. When I go out I get nasty looks and asked if I “know what causes that” over and over again.
The double standard that we have between moms and dads is insane, it’s sexist, and it needs to stop.
SuperDad is Just Not True
Okay, I’m adding this one specifically for my husband, who happens to be very superhero obsessed. I’m not kidding, he has the SuperMan symbol tattooed on his arm.
To be a SuperDad, my husband would have to have super-human dadding abilities. I’m not even sure what that looks like. Like, can he change a diaper in 2.47 seconds? Does he have sleep-inducing vision that makes babies fall asleep instantly?
I don’t think so.
(If you’re reading this, babe, you’re welcome!)
SuperDad Gets Old
This is probably my husband’s biggest argument. He hears it every single time that he’s out with the kids. From strangers, from family members, from friends.
Everyone is very well-meaning, but it can get old whenever people are asking you the same questions every single day.
When I go out with the kids, I get asked if I “know what causes that” or if we’re “finally done yet”. Chris gets told how amazing he is and what a SuperDad he is.
If you heard the same thing every time you walked into a grocery store, it would get old. Especially if it was a sexist comment.
SuperDad is Insulting
Bottom line, it’s really insulting for my husband to constantly be referred to as SuperDad. I know that you may see it as a compliment, but hear me out.
My husband doing basic dad duties and being told that it’s super implies that dads, and men in general, are incapable of parenting.
Dads can change diapers. Dads can feed babies (well, sometimes!). Dads can rock babies to sleep. Dads can push strollers, carry diaper bags, and babywear.
When we act like dads just cured cancer whenever they’re out in public with their children, we are undermining men’s ability to be an involved parent.
Our Children Are Listening
This is one I’m adding, that my husband hasn’t brought up. Our children are listening when these well meaning strangers are expressing their absolute shock and awe that their dad is with them.
What do they learn from this?
It teaches my boys that they should expect their wife to take on the majority of the parenting duties.
It teaches them that they aren’t expected to take an active role in their children’s life.
It teaches them sexism.
My boys are 6, 5, and 2. I want them to learn to be wonderful daddies. My 6 year old tells me all the time how he can’t wait to have babies and raise them. He was heartbroken when he learned that most of the time daddies don’t nurse their babies.
I want my boys to look up to their daddy and aspire to be a dad like him.
A wonderful dad. An involved dad. A patient dad. A strong dad. A helpful dad. A fun dad.
A dad who does bathtime when it hurts my back to bend over, and always cooks dinner.
A dad who takes all four children to the grocery store alone, and keeps the kids when I need him to, whether for a haircut or a vendor event, or even the occasional lunch with a girlfriend.
A super dad,
But not SuperDad.
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